I share this story as a testament to myself, and for another who may need hope.
This morning I had one of those dreams that woke me with real tears. I don’t remember the details, but it represented the “me too” events in my life. The sadness and shame was heavy and tried to overcome me, reminding me of the dark and lonely places that I have kept hidden in the past. I lay quietly in my bed allowing the tears to fall, acknowledging the pain and sadness.
Previously, I would have allowed the shame to overwhelm me, and serve as proof for my unworthiness, while shoving it back into the shadow so that I could continue on with the responsibilities of the day.
But recently I have done some powerful work in the area of shame. And, as I lay in the dark, I was quickly reminded of another element of my dream — the beautiful angel that stepped up to walk along side me. She didn’t have wings or wear a white gown with a halo, but she definitely radiated a beautiful light that shined into my darkness. You know that friend…..she almost danced into the scene with her vibrant energy, not to discount the sadness, but to bring hope and joy that would invite any down soul to turn their face toward the sun.
And then she spoke to me. She reminded me of my beauty, and that the details of my past, the wrong of others’ actions, or even my own choices, do not define me. They are part of the story, but I get to re-write the ending.
She reminded me that when we step into the darkness with each other, “me too” shines the light on that darkness and lets us know that we are not alone, that we are worthy, and that the beauty that we see in each other when we share our stories, also lives within us.
This beautiful woman in my dream is a real person to me. She is one of the many precious souls that I have met this year through Woman Within International.
And also, she is ME. Within me, and each one of us, lives this vibrant champion who invites us to speak, shine, and LIVE.
In the dark, I rolled over to wrap my arms around the man who shares my bed, and my life. I hugged Caleb, not in need of being rescued or even comforted, but in gratitude – for doing his own work of looking in the mirror, the undoing, and the becoming. For seeing ME, and for ALWAYS walking along side me, showing up in this brut-iful life.
I took my time moving through the morning, taking care of myself with a long shower, a few yoga stretches, trusting that the others in the family were equipped to move through their morning routine without my nagging. After sending the kids off to school with Caleb, I took a moment to sit in the chair with my coffee and tried to meditate and pray. But I couldn’t shake the sadness.
I felt a primal energy within me that needed to be expressed, that noise and voice that has no words. I put on some primal music, gave myself permission to stomp, let the noise rise up, and then as the energy moved through and out my body, I began to flow, and fly and felt the tingle in my body as I felt free.
I sat back down in my chair, chose 2 of my favorite essential oils and rubbed them on my heart to help anchor in my experience. (Balance – the grounding blend, and Grapefruit – the oil of honoring the body, which I didn’t remember until I looked it up later).
This woman in the picture, she came out this morning. I looked in the mirror through tears mixed with joy and sadness, and expressed my love, and gratitude for the beauty I see.
Original video credit: Westone Productions
She is in each one of us, and she longs to be free.
And if you need someone to dance, stomp, and give witness to your story, I see you, and I’m here. 
**Note: So much gratitude to the men and women of The ManKind Project and Woman Within International for introducing us to and modeling this life-changing work.
And for those who need some primal music to stomp and dance to, this video is what spoke to me this morning.
This post was originally shared on my Facebook page in November, 2017.
